Nicole hits the listening issue smack on the head in her comment.
“I know that a problem I run into a lot is that I have very strongly-held feelings and beliefs, so even if I am hearing what someone is saying, I may not actually be listening. I am very stubborn in that respect, and although it helps in some cases, I can see where it is a big flaw of mine as well. Do you have advice on how to really listen to someone who has opposing views without letting my predispositions come into play?”
David B. Wolf is running a series on his Ageless Marketing blog — the gist is why do we make decisions that fly in the face of facts.
This is another way of saying, as Nicole points out, why don’t we listen?
David has, as usual, some insights that might help us understand ourselves better. See his blog for the full series but essentially his advice is “the next time you get in an argument with someone who fights you even though his or her position is “clearly false,â€? understand the odds against your changing that person’s mind through facts and logic. That person needs to believe as he or she does because the alternative ‘would leave their worldview in shambles,’ producing a Maalox level of discomfort. Most of us are inclined to select the least painful alternative most of the time. A single fact can unravel an entire body of belief, like a thread pulled until it unravels an entire knitted sweater. In such a case, there is greater comfort in sticking with a clearly false belief than to rethink an entire set of beliefs.”
This is how David explains the fact that marketers continue to throw money at the MTV audience and ignore the more lucrative older markets.
It is also why the website at Cincom Systems (see my previous post) was not working effectively in Europe — those of us in corporate marketing had a model in our minds that the US market was the important one and the ROW (rest of the world) would be best served in following our lead. This model protected us and made us feel warm and cozy, but it was wrong. We were ignoring the fact that 60% of Cincom’s revenue came from outside the United States. It was hard work listening to our European counterparts tear our model apart. But we stepped back and listened and responded.
Nicole, it is human nature for us to be stubborn because that way we can protect our concept of how the world works.
But if that is the end of the story, then we are doomed to repeat mistakes. As marketers, we cannot afford such a luxury. We must learn to listen and to allow what we hear to change our models for how the world exists.
The day I let that happen to me, I cease to be of value to the companies I work for.
The big aha I’ve had recently is the recognition that as leaders we are also always following someone else — either above us in management hierarchy or below us. And there is always the client for whom we ultimately all must follow. Who we are following at any given moment or in any given task depends on the context of the situation. This is the essence of servant leadership. And you cannot serve unless you listen, diagnose, respond appropriately.
The key to listening is to remember who you are serving — if it is yourself, you likely won’t hear too much.
And you might be spending a lot of your client’s budget chasing the wrong strategy.
9 comments
3/13/2005 at 5:00 pm
Lindsay_J
I really like what you just wrote about listening and following and servant leadership. I find myself close minded far more often than I wish, and I’m working on opening my mind in both professional and personal situations. As a naturally stubborn person, this is harder at times than I’d prefer to admit.
I really wish there were a course on listening, but I guess that’s one of those things you learn outside of your education: “Wisdom is not wisdom if it is derived from books alone.”
3/13/2005 at 8:10 pm
Dawn Eason
I think one of the most important aspects in relationships, work and personal, is listening. I have recently been trying to observe people that always seem happy and have a positive attitude. They listen to people!!! When they listen to people this makes the person they are listening to feel good, which in turn makes the person listening feel good. I have been recently trying to listen more to the clients at the vet school where I work. This makes the client feel special because you remembered something like that their dog loves his ears to be rubbed and they will praise you. To be praised for listening gives you this great feeling inside. I love listening!!!
3/13/2005 at 8:23 pm
Makenzi
I would like to think that I am an accomplished listener. However, in some circumstances, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Often times you can learn some much more when you simply step back and listen. This is truly a neccessary step in acheiving wisdom.
3/13/2005 at 9:36 pm
Karen
Thanks for the insight. I love what you said about being a servant leader. If you want to be a leader you have to have followers. One way to ensure you have followers is to give them a reason to follow you, something they want to believe in. Everyone believes they are the single most important thing, so let them know you care about them. Genuinely listening to them is a good way to accomplish this.
Just like you said it is hard to put our own opinions aside to listen to others, but it’s something you learn in time.
3/13/2005 at 10:17 pm
Lindsey
I think that listening and understanding is a key element in life, no matter what you do with your time. I admit that I have problems listening when things are not particularly important. I try my best to control my urges to day dream when I am in a position that I really need to listen. But I am stubborn. I will listen to someones differing opinion until the cows come home, but I will argue with someone until pigs fly! I know when I am wrong, but I know when I am right. I think this is bad sometimes because it can limit my point of view or understanding, but I think that I will benefit more from being stubborn than being passive.
3/15/2005 at 1:32 pm
Ashley C
I think your post was absolutely right. It is human nature to be stubborn, and it is often hard to listen to someone’s ideas if they are different from yours. That applies to all aspects of our lives! I know in my personal relationships, the most fights I have come from a lack of communication, or better yet, a lack of listening.
When in these situations, I find myself thinking of my next comeback while the other person is talking, instead of really listening to them. I can see how this would be a problem in marketing as well. It is hard for anyone to admit that their idea or point of view may not be the best one. I know it is hard for me!
3/16/2005 at 8:09 am
Tom Asacker
For those interested in improving their “listening skills,” may I humbly suggest reading David Bohm’s “On Dialogue.” You may also want to have someone facilitate a group dialogue so you can practice this very powerful concept.
3/17/2005 at 8:17 am
Sara M
Like everyone else who has commented on this post, I totally agree that listening is a skill that we all must possess (in the professional world, as well as our personal lives), but one that everyone could stand to work on. I know that I tend to tune things out for many different reasons…whether I have something else on my mind that may seem more important or I am just bored with the material. I do try my best to listen to others’ opinions, but it is hard to do that if they differ with my own. Thanks for the insight…I know I can use it!
4/1/2005 at 7:27 pm
BillFrench
Do you have advice on how to really listen to someone who has opposing views without letting my predispositions come into play?
Yep. Here’s what I do…
As someone is speking to you, imagine you’re an actor, and the person you are listening to is the director. She is guiding you on how to think, how to act, and the general role that you are playing. If your mind is in this state, you are like a sponge and you are mentally prepared to intelligently absorb the speaker’s viewpoint by figuratively stepping into their shoes.